Unfortunately, this post is not about Grenada. Sorry everyone! It's just something I've had on my mind lately.
A few people have asked me if dealing with all the infertility stuff was the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel bad saying that it wasn't because for most women it is obviously the hardest, most heart-rending, terrible thing that will ever happen to them. But for me...it just wasn't. It was hard, but it does not even come close to the hardest thing I've ever been through.
The hardest thing I've ever done was letting Bryant go for two years to serve his mission. Infertility was a breeze compared to that because at least during all that he was there for me and with me. I feel kind of silly admitting it because it seems very teenage-angsty (Twilight anyone?) to say that he is and was so important to me. But it's true.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I will have to let Bryant go again in June and whenever I think about it I start to tear up. I don't know how I'm going to do it. The last time he left me I thought about him every single day for two whole years, wrote him at least 104 letters, dreamed about the day when I would get to see him again, spent a lot of time crying, and never did it get easier or less painful. Now I have to let him get on a plane and leave not just me but our unborn baby, as well. Please excuse me while I cry for a moment (no really, I'm crying over here and I blame the hormones).
Ok, I can do this. Bryant and I have talked about this many times and we both know that me staying in the US is the right choice for us. It wouldn't be the right choice for everyone, but it is for us. But right and easy aren't the same thing. He's going to miss so much, including the birth of the child we have been waiting and praying for. I would go on, but I'm just wallowing now.
Letting Bryant leave again will be the hardest thing I've ever done. Again. And the closer it gets the more I am dreading it. I am usually more private about these kinds of things, but I want you all to know that I, Megan, am hopelessly in love with--and obviously dangerously dependent on--Bryant, the best man I've ever known. And now everyone on the internet knows how ridiculously melodramatic I am. With that, I will end this post and hope my next one will be happier. Love you all!
I'm sorry, yeah you guys are a match made in heaven. I guess you'll just have to spend a lot if time with your favorite little sister to help fill the Bryant void! Love you!
ReplyDeleteThis post gives me a little PTSD ;) Leaving our husbands is definitely not easy. I don't envy you in the least. You are strong and you will get through it. I hope that the time goes by fast for your reunion. Best. Day. Ever. Also I think absence does make the heart grow fonder so in your case, it could be dangerous ;) But really, the separation has reminded me of the things that are truly important. You are amazing having an idea of what you are going into and doing it willingly and fearlessly. Please let me know if I can help out in any way or you just need to vent or whatever. Last year was a challenging year for us for this reason so if I can help in any way I would love to. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI am in awe right now! Dustin and I had to be apart for 6 weeks when he got his job here in Georgia, and I nearly died driving away from him to pack up in Utah. I was pregnant then, too. You are so strong, Megan! You definitely have a right to be hormonal and dramatic, pregnancy or no. Good luck to both you and Bryant. My prayers are with you guys.
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