Two very different announcements

Some of you (ok, maybe more than some) may have noticed the lack of new posts on here lately.  I apologize for that, but I just haven't done anything interesting, really.  Sorry about that!

But now I have an interesting thing to share!  I was invited to write a guest post on the Childless Mormon support blog.  It was published on April 10th, and although I've already shared this story here before, I decided to include it anyway.  Here's the link: http://childlessmormonsupport.com/?p=656  Being able to really accept that having children might not be something I ever get to experience has been difficult for me, but (as it says in my post) I've been able to find joy in the idea that I could be childless.

Which has actually made this next announcement a little...weird for me to share.  You see, another reason I haven't posted much lately is because I've been staying home sick every day for weeks.  Because I'm currently working on making another human being......surprise!

Bryant and I are expecting to meet our little guy or gal on October 25th.  I've been sick all day every day since I was about 6 weeks along and only last week got some medicine that stopped the puking.  I don't throw up anymore, but I still feel like I want to throw up a lot of the time.  I'm really glad I'm not teaching right now, because I have no idea how I would have done it.  Seriously, anyone who works while going through "morning" sickness--very sarcastic quotations there--is a superwoman in my book.  When I'm sitting on the floor in the bathroom I just keep thinking, "I waited a long time and paid a lot of money in an effort to feel like this.  I want to feel like this, it's a good thing."  I've told myself that a LOT in the last two months.  Mostly, it works. :)

Something I was surprised by, though, was the fact that I have mixed feelings about announcing this to others.  I've spent a lot of time over the last eight months working through my feelings on the whole children issue and I was truly happy with my life the way it was.  Telling people that I'm now pregnant feels almost as though I am betraying all the childless women I've made connections with and supported in the last few months.  I feel very strongly that having children does not define someone's worth and being congratulated enthusiastically about getting pregnant makes me uncomfortable...almost like I don't really deserve to be congratulated, if that makes sense.

Another reason sharing the news has made me uncomfortable is because of people's reactions to my former infertility. Let me be clear, I never said I thought I would always be childless, I said I would be happy either way.  I've already had a few people bring that up when I've told them, which is understandable, but it makes my heart hurt for any women who won't have babies.  I said I would be happy without having my own children, and then I got pregnant.  That seems to reinforce in people's minds that it is ok to tell a woman who is infertile that it will happen for her eventually.  That's not true.  For some people, it will never happen, and they shouldn't have to listen to everyone they love constantly tell them that they will have a baby.  So all of you reading this, I want you to promise me that you will never use me as an example to a woman who is struggling with infertility.  I promise you she doesn't want to hear it and it won't help her. 

Now after all that, you probably think I'm not excited.  That's not true.  I was nervous at first because it seemed to me that my chances of miscarriage were high.  I know there's not technically a link between infertility and miscarriage, but it seemed logical in my head that if my body had a hard time getting things where they needed to be, it would have a hard time keeping the baby there. 

I was actually nervous-excited all the way up until I got to see the 12 week ultrasound.  I had two ultrasounds before that, but the baby looked like a little bean and not like a baby.  At the 12 week ultrasound we got to see the face, the hands, everything, and it looked like a baby.  I know it sounds funny, but it wasn't until I saw it moving in there waving its hands and wiggling around that it finally hit me that there's a baby in there!!  A baby!!!  How insane is that?!  I have another human being inside of me.  Blows my mind.  After that ultrasound I started feeling a much bigger connection to this tiny little guy or gal and I am now officially REALLY excited.

Whew, this is such a long post, sorry!  I'll wrap it up with just a few details that I want to remember about this pregnancy. 

• I am currently 13 weeks along (that's 7 straight weeks of sickness, btw).
• My tummy is poking out but I've actually lost about a pound since my first weigh-in at 6 weeks.  I have to use the rubber band trick on most of my pants now.
• This baby hates sweet things.  There is a package of Skittles that has been sitting on my dresser for two months now and every time I look at it I want to puke. 
• I don't really have cravings, but sometimes a food just sounds disgusting.  We had some really good broccoli pasta that I ate two days in a row (dinner, then lunch) and LOVED.  Then I went to eat it for lunch the next day and the sight/smell of it turned my stomach.  Don't know what is happening in this body of mine.
• There are two foods I have consistently thought would taste amazing, and neither of them are available in Grenada.  Raspberries and avocados.  Well, technically I can get raspberries here if I'm willing to pay $13 US for a tiny container (which I'm not...yet), but avocados are out of season until June.  Curses.
• Homemade ginger tea with honey, lemon, and sugar is one of the only things that makes me feel better when I get particularly nauseated.  Watermelon Jello is the other one (and the only exception to the sweet things aversion).
• Bryant was usually at school when I puked because it only seemed to happen in the morning.  The first time he was home when I ran to the bathroom, he stood in the bedroom yelling things like, "Don't do that!" and, "Stop it, that's so sad!"
• I am going to have the baby in Utah, which means that Bryant and I will be separated for about six months since he has to come back to Grenada for classes.  We're trying not to think about that part right now.
• At the 12 week ultrasound, I thought the baby looked like a boy.  I know it doesn't make sense because all we could see was the skeleton basically, but I thought it looked boyish.  Bryant refuses to give any input on the gender right now.  I think it's so he can pretend not to be surprised no matter what the gender is. :)

I'll wrap it up there.  We're very excited about our little baby and I will make sure to post about the gender when we find out at the end of May.  Thank you for all your love and support!

Gotbergs in Grenada

Bryant's parents visited us in September, and about two months ago (I'm so late with this post!) my parents made it out to visit as well.  There was a rough start when they were informed that their connection was too tight and they missed their flight out of Florida.  Only one flight leaves every day, so they were forced to stay until the next afternoon.  Cue intense sadness on my part.  But they got here safe and sound and we enjoyed the limited time we had with them.

Their first day here, Bryant went off to his classes while my parents and I headed into downtown St. Georges.  We stopped at the local craft fair, walked around a bit, then hiked up the hill to Fort George.  Somehow, I failed to take a single picture while we were up there, but luckily my parents snagged some and were nice enough to share.

 Look at that super-yacht!  We think it's either owned by Bill Gates or Oprah. 

 

Oh, and it was Independence Day, so there were a bunch of these children's parades going on as we were driving out of town.  So cute!

After the fort, we headed to Grand Anse beach for a little walk.  This beach is the biggest on the island and is (in my opinion) one of the most stunning.



We headed home, grabbed some lunch, and went to the tide pools in L'Anse Aux Epines.  Bryant and I discovered these pools (and by discovered I mean we heard people talking about them and asked where they were) the night before my parents got in.  They are beautiful and look like they belong more in Oregon than on a tropical island.

Obviously, this picture was taken the night before my parents got in, but I thought it was cute enough to sneak into this post.

 

After we picked Bryant up from school, we drove all the way to the north side of the island--directly opposite where we live.  It took about an hour and 45 minutes, but the fastest we ever went was 35 mph and we took the coastal road.  That gives you a bit of an idea for how big this little island of ours is.  My parents had rented a little cottage on Bathway Beach and it was adorable!  We loved our stay there!

View from outside my bedroom window.
 

After setting all our stuff down, we asked Kitty (owner of the cottages) about good places to eat and ended up going to a little place called The Heights.  It's not a restaurant, per se, but this guy who has a little outdoor eating pavilion and a small menu of really delicious food.  He cooks everything himself, so since we showed up without calling him first, we ended up spending about an hour and a half playing cards while he cooked.  The view was good enough that we snapped a few pictures before it got dark.

I don't have any pictures of the food, but it was incredible.  Hands down the best thing I have eaten on this island.  We ended up going back for dinner the night before my parents left and I had the best lobster I've ever eaten.  Ever.  If you ever make it to the north side of Grenada, you have to eat there.

The next morning, we headed out to do some exploring.  The first place we stopped was a rum distillery called River Antoine Rum Distillery.  There was no one there to take us on a tour, so we went by ourselves.

 

Bryant with a huge pile o' sugar cane.

 

Sugar cane conveyor belt.  This was a third-try picture because my mother kept talking.

 



More sugar cane!  This is at the top of that conveyor belt.  We were actually standing on the roof at this point.

 

See?  So much sugar cane up there!

 



Yep, that's rum.  No one is here, the rum is just sitting in these giant, dirty looking depressions in the boiling room, which has wide open doorways and screenless, glassless windows.  Seriously, the way they make rum here makes me glad I don't drink.

 



I told Bryant that if he made a sad face next to the empty barrel, I would caption it, "But why is all the rum gone?!"

On an unrelated note, look at the adorable family of dogs that live at the distillery!  Those puppies were so precious!  And these were hands-down the nicest dogs we've seen living on this island.

After that, we headed to the Belmont Estates Chocolate Factory.  It's one of my new favorite places on this island.  We went for a tour of the grounds first and had an awesome tour guide named Kelly.

The cocoa beans are fermented first by being stacked with layers of banana leaves and burlap sacks, then left in this open-air storage area for months.  The smell was not that great.

 



Here's Kelly, showing us the beans.  They're white!  They have a gelatinous white outer coating at this point and are sour/bitter to the taste.

 



I know this picture is sideways, but it looks funny turned the other way, too, so you'll just have to deal with it.  These are the huge wooden trays they dry the beans on.  They roll under a covered area for when it rains and can be pulled out to dry in the sun.  While they're drying they get turned by...

 



 People walking on them.  I thought it sounded really gross until I found out the outer shells are taken off anyway, so it's ok.

 

After being dried and turned for a while, they are moved inside this greenhouse-type building, where they are sifted and dried some more.  The piles you can see on the ground here are the little broken bits and pieces that are removed.

 



 At this point, they actually taste like chocolate, so he let us break one open and try some.  Still very strong and bitter, but definitely chocolate!

 

After being dried, they are bagged and sold to other countries.  When the tour finished, we went to the store and bought some chocolate bars and souvenirs, then headed upstairs to eat lunch.  Fun fact:  Belmont Estates makes only dark chocolate, no milk.  You can buy 60%, 70%, 82%, or 100% dark.  It's rich, but very good!

 

 

 Random arch-shaped bell tree we saw as we were leaving.

After the chocolate factory, we headed into Sauteurs to go to Carib's Leap.  Carib's Leap is a monument on a cliff commemorating the original people (Caribs) who jumped to their death from the cliff rather than become subject to the French settlers taking over their island.

Carib's Leap (or Leapers Hill) is located in what is now a cemetery.

 



Here's the view down from the cliff, a fence prevented me from getting a better shot, but there are lots of rocks and choppy water down there.

 



Here's the cool little church that was right next to the graveyard.

 



 

I tried to slide down the rail. 

Bryant succeeded.

 

After this, we went back to our cottage, changed into our swimsuits, and headed to Levara Beach.

I went out in the water for maybe 5 minutes, but the waves were stronger than I thought and I got knocked down.  So I decided I was done and became the picture taker.

 



Beautiful, right?  There were a ton of islands out in the distance, and that peak there is a small island of its own.  Someone lived there, too!  You can see the house in this picture, and he had a little motorboat to get back to the main island and to fish.

 



See how the water is brown?  Very unusual here in Grenada, and lets you know just how rough the water was.  The waves weren't really huge, but they were forceful.

 



In fact, it was rough enough that my mother was too short to jump the waves and my dad started lifting her over them.  Are they cute, or what?

The sun was going down, so we headed back for some dinner at our cottage and card games.  The next morning, we suited up, grabbed our snorkel gear, and headed back to Levara Beach.  On the way we stopped at a lookout to see the little island we were headed to. 

 

 Bryant got sick of me taking pictures and showed me his booty.

 

Once we got to Levara Beach, we waved to the man on the island (the one with the boat) and he came, picked us up, and drove us to another little island for snorkeling.  He dropped us off and we spent the afternoon on our own private, deserted island.

 



 The view from our island looking back at Grenada.  The cottage we stayed in is pretty much directly across the water from this beach.

 

We went exploring on our island and found this cool abandoned house.  It was obviously built by some wealthy people, but--like all the houses around here--when they were done with it, they just left it to fall apart.  I didn't get any pictures because I left my camera at the beach. 

 



 I wanted to climb this palm tree, but felt too unsteady to climb higher than this.  Bryant kindly angled the photo so you can't see that I can almost still touch the ground.

 My monkey, on the other hand, climbed much further up than I did.  Way to go, Bryant!

 



 Here's a shot of us leaving our pretty little island in the fishing boat.

 



This shot lets you see how rough the ocean was on either side of the island.  See those white caps all along the right side?  There were huge reefs on both sides of the island that were really dangerous, so we stayed in front of that sandy spot in the middle.

Sunday morning we got up and took the road across the middle of the island to get back down for church.  It was about an hour and fifteen minutes that way, still only going about 30.  After church, we changed, and stopped in the Grand Etang Rainforest for a picnic and some hiking.

 It was cloudy, but it's still a good picture!

 

We headed down to Grand Etang Lake for our picnic since they have tables that are covered.  Bryant and my mother had done the shopping on Saturday for some easy picnic food and decided on tuna fish.  The only problem was they didn't take the time to read the whole label.

I give you tuna with vegetables in oil.  It was bright red in the can and full of peas and carrots.  Still good, but definitely not your normal tuna.  After eating our tuna and chips, we hiked part of the trail for Mt. Qua Qua but it was waaaaaaaaaay too muddy and slippery so we turned back.  We decided to go hike down to the Seven Sisters Falls instead.  Still muddy, but less slippery.

 



 

 Believe it or not, my legs used to be the same color as theirs.

The next morning, we drove all the way back down to drop them off at the airport.  Their stay was much too short, so we're trying to convince them to come back next year, too!