Lydia Belle's Birth Story-Part Two

Alright, now to the unhappy portion of the birth story.  It has a happy ending, which is good, but it was pretty scary at the time.


Lydia had spit up a few times during the day and when the pediatrician came to check her in the afternoon, he said she had swallowed amniotic fluid and that spitting up was normal.  He also said that we shouldn't worry if she didn't breathe for a few seconds after spitting up since it was a reflex that would keep her from choking.  We noticed that she did, in fact, hold her breath for a few seconds after spitting up until her airway was clear, so we didn't worry about it.  Around 8 that night, Bryant was holding her while I went to use the bathroom.  She spit up while I was in there and I was washing my hands when Bryant suddenly said she still wasn't breathing.  I came out and he was holding her on her side and patting her back, but she had her mouth closed and was turning red.  I grabbed the aspirator, opened her mouth, and tried to suction out the back of her throat, but she started turning purple.  I pushed the nurse button and said something eloquent like, "Uhmm...my baby's not breathing!"  A nurse came running in about 2 seconds later, grabbed Lydia out of my arms and ran, without saying a word to either of us.

We both started crying and hugging each other and Bryant kept saying, "I couldn't help her.  She wasn't breathing and there was nothing I could do.  She's my little girl and I couldn't help her!"  Lots of crying happened.  Two nurses came into our room about 5 minutes later  and informed us that she was breathing again, but that it had taken their team three minutes with her on oxygen before she pinked up.  Because of that, they were going to move her to the NICU and they wanted to know if we wanted to come see her.  I want to know if any parent has ever said no to that request, because I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to see their baby after something like that.  We went in to see her and she was laying in one of those little beds in just her diaper and she was breathing pretty hard--you could see the muscles between her ribs straining with every breath.  We talked to her and touched her and cried a little bit.  The team of NICU nurses and the respiratory therapist were fantastic.  They talked with us about her condition and told us they had ordered a chest x-ray to see if she had aspirated.  My parents showed up and my dad helped Bryant give her a blessing, during which Bryant and I cried yet again.  They did the chest x-ray (the tech who did the x-ray was my sister's old childhood friend, Jenny, which was pretty crazy!) and it looked clean so they decided not to take her to the NICU, but they wanted to keep her in the TLC lab overnight.  The TLC lab is the step-down NICU, for babies who need some extra help/monitoring, but not enough to warrant going to the NICU.  I fed her there in the TLC lab, then Bryant and I headed back to our room.

Bryant was still really struggling and blaming himself for what happened to our little lady.  He had told my parents that Lydia was not breathing for at least a minute before the nurse came for her.  I kept saying it had only been about 20 seconds (he agreed with me later, when he had calmed down a bit), and telling him it wasn't his fault, but he still had a pretty rough night.  At one point I pointed out that if he hadn't been there it would have been worse because I would have set Lydia down to use the bathroom and wouldn't have known she needed help, but that made him more upset.  I went to the lab twice during the night to feed her and was told she spit up twice, once after we had originally left and then again after her first feeding, but had kept her next one down.  They let us take her out of the lab at about noon, just in time for some of my siblings to come visit.  We spent the day relaxing and enjoying our little girl (and maybe paying really close attention to her breathing).  The respiratory therapist told us that she would be fine now and that she had just had a bronchospasm and none of the fluid had gotten in her lungs.  He advised us to be diligent about burping her so that she would have a lower chance of spitting up.  It seemed like the issue was that all the amniotic fluid in her stomach kept making her vomit after eating, but it was now all cleared out and we were told she would be fine.

 The only picture we took with her that second day.  Go Cougars!  And also, doesn't Bryant look good?  I may have looked like crap, but my husband was cute enough to make up for it.

That night we requested a monitor to be brought into our room so we could keep her with us but have the security of knowing she wouldn't stop breathing during the night. They brought it in around 10:30, just after I finished feeding her, hooked her up to the monitors, and put her in her crib.  Her little bed was inclined so her head was elevated to lower the risk of her spitting up.  After the nurses left, Bryant and I climbed in bed and I prepared to get a few hours' sleep.  Then Bryant noticed that she was on her side and was afraid she was too far on her side and her arm wouldn't be getting the blood it needed, so he got up and rolled her over.  Which, of course, woke her up and nothing would make her go back to sleep until I nursed her again.  I did, and laid her down on her back in her crib and climbed back in bed.  Then Bryant said, "Oh no, she slid down!"  He got out of bed and moved her up, which woke her up yet again.  I then sternly told him to put a pillow over his face and that he was no longer allowed to look at her or touch her because I wanted to actually SLEEP!!  I may have been a little tired and cranky at that point.  He followed my directions, promptly fell asleep, and I was up with Lydia for another hour and a half while she fussed.  Once she finally settled down, I managed to sleep for about 45 minutes before the alarm on the monitor went off.  Bryant and I both jumped up in a panic, but her stats were fine.  The monitor was just running out of batteries.  We called the nurses, and they took her to weigh her and get a new monitor so I got another hours' worth of sleep.  When they brought her back I fed her again and she once again refused to sleep.  Long story short, between the hours of 11 and 4 (with an extra hour thrown in for the daylight savings change) I slept for about 2 hours.  The last straw was when I finally got her to sleep at 3:40 and the monitor started beeping again at 4 because, you guessed it, the battery was running low.  When they came in to fix it I requested they take her to the nursery because I desperately needed a few hours of sleep.  After they took her, however, I started crying because I felt like a terrible mother for sending her away.  Luckily, Bryant was there to calm me down and I finally got a few hours of sleep before we were discharged Sunday morning.

Not the most flattering picture, but here we are leaving the hospital!

And here's my sweet little girl making a funny face to keep me entertained during the car ride.

She has been perfectly fine since that incident (although I might have a mini panic attack every time she coughs or chokes while eating or being burped), which we are thankful for every single day.  I am also oh-so-thankful that I decided not to have her in Grenada.  They don't have a NICU and I can't imagine what would have happened to her there.  The lack of NICU was one of the biggest determining factors for me in coming back to the States, and although I would rather not have needed it, I'm so glad that I had those amazing people to help my little girl!!

Lydia Belle's Birth Story-Part One

This post is two weeks late, but I've been just the teensiest bit busy lately so I hope you'll forgive me.  Our little Lydia arrived on Halloween, just as planned, and here's her birth story:

Bryant's flight was supposed to land at 9:30 pm on the 30th and my induction was scheduled for 11:00 that same night.  Unfortunately, there was something wrong with the plane in Grenada and the delay meant he didn't land in Utah until 11.  Luckily, the hospital told me it was just fine to show up whenever since they weren't busy, so my original plan of picking Bryant up and heading to the hospital remained intact.  Picking him up was amazing and also a little weird since we hadn't seen each other in months.  He's gotten so skinny!!  He needs me there to make sure he's eating well.

Anyway, I picked him up, we stopped at my parents' house so he could take a quick shower and wash off all his airport/plane germs before holding his daughter, then it was up to the hospital.  Can I just say, by the way, how weird it is to just drive up to the hospital to have a baby when you're not in labor?  It seemed completely unreal.  We got there around 12:45 in the morning on Halloween, they checked me (I was dilated to about 3 1/2 cm), and they started me on the Pitocin at about 1:30.  Bryant and I were both pretty tired but very excited!  They came back to check on me around 1:45 and I said I thought I had felt one contraction, so they upped the dose.  I then proceeded to have a contraction about once every minute (Bryant was timing them) and they were KILLING me.  The nurse came back at two and I told her the contractions were very close together and that I wanted an epidural.  She turned down the Pitocin and I got the epidural at 2:15, Bryant watched and was full of amazement at the pushing that was involved in getting it in.  I was just grateful that it worked!  Around that time I noticed some hives on my arm.  They went away in about half an hour, so I think they were stress related.

After the epidural, I felt nothing.  And I mean nothing.  It was glorious.  I could still move my legs and everything, but I couldn't even tell when I was contracting anymore.  At about 3 we requested to take a nap for a while and the nurses turned down the lights and left.  Bryant fell asleep immediately, but I was kind of drifting in and out because the monitors on my belly kept slipping and the nurses had to come in to adjust them so they could watch Lydia's heartbeat.  At 3:30 they came in to put a catheter in and I was dilated to an 8.  The nurses were floored but said I could keep resting for a while.  My mom had requested a phone call when I was getting close, so I asked if this qualified as close and they told me no, I would probably still have to labor down a lot.

We were left alone again for about 15-20 minutes when the baby's heartbeat disappeared again.  The nurse came in to adjust the monitor and discovered that Lydia had moved down a lot.  She checked me again and said I was dilated to a 10, complete, and the baby was moving down.  She actually seemed pretty confused about what to do next since I hadn't been there that long.  Eventually she said she wanted me to push with a contraction to see what would happen.  Bryant called my mom while I did that (the nurse had to tell me when to push since I couldn't feel the contractions) and after he hung up the nurse had him come down to see the head while I pushed--apparently the pushing was helping things a lot!  My waters were still intact, but Bryant could still see her head and informed me that she had hair.  Hair!  Bryant and I were both bald as babies, so that was a surprise.

My nurse left to call the doctor and when she got back she took out my catheter and had me push once or twice more.  My doctor got there at around 4:20 and they got me ready for delivery.  I pushed for maybe 15 minutes and Lydia was born at 4:56.  I kept turning to Bryant and saying, "Are you sure you can see her head?  I swear this shouldn't be so easy."  It was painless, quick, and required very little effort on my part.  My doctor told me I was made for having babies (tell that to my uterus which successfully repelled babies for 3 years) and to be careful about telling other people because they'd be jealous.

Little Lydia Belle came out perfect.  Her head was still very round (thanks to the quick delivery) and she's just the cutest thing I've ever seen!  Also, she cried very little and was very alert from the beginning.  I know all these pictures show her sleeping, but she was awake a lot, too!

My parents got to the hospital just after she was born and visited for a while, then left us to take a nap.  We enjoyed the day with Lydia and welcomed many visitors, including Bryant's parents and my older sister.  She got dressed up in her Minnie Mouse Halloween costume as well.

Unfortunately, the end of the day was not so happy, so I'll save it for Part Two.  How's that for a cliffhanger?

Maternity Photos

As of today, I am 39 weeks pregnant.  I am hoping I make it to 41 weeks so that Bryant can be here when Lydia comes!  At my appointment this week my OB scheduled me for an induction on Halloween in the hopes that I make it that long, too.  I had another great shower thrown for me by my sisters and mother last weekend.  I got so many great things from my loving friends and family and I'm finally feeling like I might be prepared for having a baby.  At least prepared as far as material things go!  Other than that it has been a very uneventful two weeks around here.  The only other thing that I've done is get my maternity photos taken.  So without further ado, here are some of my favorites!

My husband & my little girl

**Met my goal this week and posted!  I won't always be pointing that out, but I was excited I remembered!**
Bryant has been having a harder time lately with being in Grenada alone.  The stress of fourth term is pretty overwhelming on its own and they just learned about the very rare pregnancy complications that are fatal no matter what.  He has told me about the different ways I can die in childbirth, which haven't bothered me (maybe I'm overconfident, but I'm pretty sure I won't die), but which seem to bother him a lot.  Poor guy.  But he's doing better now, he got his score back for a midterm he thought he failed and he actually did quite well.  I think that helps with the stress a bit.  He's even considering flying out on Halloween weekend to meet our little girl!  I would get induced on Halloween if he comes and she's not here yet.  Super exciting, but still in the works.  He needs to talk to some professors and find out if he could afford to miss classes/labs or not.  Stay tuned!
I've told Bryant that Lydia will be a dancer for sure.  For the past two or three months, every time I lay down on my side, Lydia takes advantage of the hard surface to get her groove on.  Within a minute or two, she flips so her feet are against the bed (or floor, or couch) and goes to town kicking/dancing.  This happens especially late in the evening and at night, when I'm trying to sleep.  If I slip my hand between my belly and the surface she's dancing on, she instantly stops.  Apparently she can tell the difference and doesn't appreciate me trying to interrupt her.
Speaking of baby movements, I have a confession to make.  I know plenty of pregnant women who talk about how amazing it is to feel their baby move and how much they miss it after their baby is born.  I am sorry to say I am not one of those women.  I think it's amazing when she moves because a) Yay, she's still alive! and b) Holy cow, there's a person in there!  And she moves of her own free will!  Crazy!  Other than that, I dislike the baby moving feeling.  Worst mom ever?  Possibly.  But I don't like people kicking, punching, or head-butting me from the outside, and just because it's happening from the inside doesn't improve the experience for me.  It doesn't ever really hurt, but it's uncomfortable and it makes me feel...twitchy.  My little sister was watching TV with me the other night and I said, "Look, Lydia's moving."  Nikki looked over to see my stomach stretching as Lydia moved some body part or other.  Her face took on a look of pure horror and she whispered, "You can see it from the outside?!"  Pretty sure she will never want to have children after this.
In other news, I have started washing some of the baby clothes I've gotten from friends and family.  I have pretty much only washed things that are sized 3 months and up because every time I look at the newborn clothes I think there's no way any child of mine will fit in those clothes.  I was 2 weeks late and weighed 9 1/2 pounds.  Bryant was 10 days early and weighed just over 7 1/2 pounds.  I'm pretty sure we both would have been good-sized babies if we had been born on our due dates, and I can't imagine that this little girl will be anything short of 8 pounds.  I'll probably wash one or two newborn outfits, but if she turns out to be a small baby I'm going to have to buy/wash a lot of clothes!

An Entire Summer in Just One Post!

Doesn't that title sound way more exciting than it actually is?  I thought so.  You might've thought I'd be good about posting things this summer, what with the baby and everything, but you'd obviously be wrong.  I have done a terrible job at keeping in touch with people, updating this blog, and many other things this summer.  Today is officially the first day of fall, and I've decided to turn over a new leaf (shout out to my father-in-law, the king of puns) this season.  I'm making a goal to post at least twice a month, and more like once a week if I can do it.  I started this blog to serve as a kind of journal for myself as well as being a way to keep in touch with family and friends, and I need to be better.

Alright, this summer.  Here's the highlights of what has happened since May:

• Went to my grandparents' farm in Montana for the last time before it was sold
• Went to Glacier with my family
• Went up to Snowbird for an afternoon of fun with Bryant's family

(Break while I rack my brains to remember what else I did this summer.  I know I've been busy, but what have I been doing?!)

• Went up to Heber with Bryant's family on two different weekends
• Read a lot of baby books
• Spent a lot of time in stores registering for baby things
• Did some house/cat/plant sitting for my in-laws while they were in Mexico
• Had a baby shower
• Went to 2 baby showers for friends due about the same time as me
• Met up with many different friends to catch up
• Watched a lot of HGTV (didn't have that channel in Grenada!)
• Lived through quite a bit of extended family drama on both sides of my family--this has been the summer of things going wrong, apparently
• Done quite a bit of babysitting for my sister while her husband was out of town
• Been to umpteen doctor's appointments

Unfortunately I don't have the time or energy right now to go into detail about everything (plus I think it would bore everyone to tears), but I'll post some pictures with captions and that will have to be enough!  I'll be back to post in two weeks, and you can start sending me annoying messages if I forget.

On our way up to Montana, a wheel came off the trailer.  Not just a tire, the whole wheel.  Bolts sheared off, the whole nine yards!  Some guy pulled up beside us and honked to let us know, and we went back to look for it.  That's the freeway over on the left and we're off-roading.

Bryant thought he might have seen the wheel and went to investigate, but it was nothing.  We never found it and had to spend some time at a tire place getting a new one.

At my grandparents' farm in Montana, riding the four wheeler down to the bird sanctuary.  We could've walked, but low speed four wheeler rides are always more fun!

The bridge to the bird sanctuary.  There were absolutely no birds around until Keagan (my nephew there) threw a rock in the stream.  Then hordes of these swallows came swooping out from under the bridge to circle around. 

At the bird sanctuary, skipping rocks.  What else do you do at bird sancutaries?

On the way back from the preserve we stopped to throw rocks off the bridge again.  As you can see, Bryant was an extremely enthusiastic rock thrower.

My grandparents' little farmhouse.  I will miss it!!

A shot of the fields stretching away behind the house.  Montana is a really beautiful place.

The tire swing in the yard.  I have many fond memories of this swing!  The current grandkids got to play on it a little bit, at least, but I'm sad Lydia will never get to spend time here.

The cute little house we all stayed at in Glacier.

The guys spinning the grandkids around.  Bryant loves playing with his nieces and nephews.  It's adorable.

We found a golf course on our little walk one evening and all three grandkids picked a golf cart to pretend to drive.  Alice (in the front) was the most serious about it.  She even has her driving face on.

Bryant with Keagan, Mike with Isabelle, and Jake with Alice.  Alice and Isabelle are Jake's, and Keagan is Mike's.

Bryant getting ready to ride one of the attractions at Snowbird.  Being pregnant, I just watched and took pictures.

View from the top of the lift at Snowbird.  Utah is a really pretty place, too, but I forget when I'm here all the time!

Last lunch with Bryant before he boarded his flight.  There was lots of crying after this, but I didn't want to document that with pictures. :)

While cat sitting, I caught Milo sleeping like this.  That is the top of his head smooshed upside down on the couch.  Ridiculous cat.  He also persisted in trying to get me out of bed at about 5 or 6 every morning because that's when Al (my father-in-law) gets up.  He went so far as to attack plastic bags and the blinds in my bedroom, but I held firm!  And by held firm, I mean I pulled the covers over my head and refused to get up before 8.

Lydia at 33 weeks.  I think it's pretty much the cutest profile I've ever seen, but I'm pretty biased.  Also, for those of you who can read ultrasounds measurements, you'll note that while everything else is right around 34 weeks, her head is measuring at 32 weeks.  Pretty sure she's going to have Bryant's head and I'm pretty sure that bodes well for me!

Baby shower #1--it was a beach theme, in case you didn't catch that.  Baby shower #2 to come in October.

At the aquarium with my sister, Jess, and her two boys, Keagan and Parker.  Jess works part-time in the evenings and so I ended up spending two different weeks at her house so I could watch the boys while she worked.

During one of those weeks, we went to the Ogden Temple Open House with my mom and my cousin, Josh, who was in town helping out with my grandpa before heading up to BYU-Idaho.

I bought this sock monkey for Lydia, but made the mistake of leaving it with some other presents on the floor in the living room.  Parker decided he had to have it.  His Ute fan father was not pleased, but I thought it was cute!

Separation and baby updates

The thing I was most adamantly NOT looking forward to has happened.  On Friday, Bryant got on a plane and left for Grenada without me.  I cried.  A lot. 

We had agreed not to talk about it beforehand because we knew it would be hard either way and wanted to consolidate all the sadness.  But when we parked the car at the airport, Bryant handed me his travel folder (I always keep a pocket folder with us when we travel for passports, hotel reservations, boarding passes, etch) while he pulled his luggage out of the trunk.  He put down his luggage, grabbed me in a hug and said, while tearing up, "You're not going to be there to hold our travel folder anymore.  I feel like I'm losing my best friend."  I lost it then for a bit.  We got it under control, walked to the counter and checked him in, then headed over to the security line.  I sobbed while he managed to keep it together, there was lots of hugging and then...I had to walk away while he got in line.  I walked through the airport, tears running down my face the whole time, got back to my car, got in, and sobbed for a good 5 minutes before I could start it and leave.  The whole drive home I cried on and off, then cried some more when I got to my parents' house.  I did okay on Saturday because I told my family I would cry if they asked me about it, but I was not as successful on Sunday.  After Sacrament Meeting, one of my old young women advisors came up to ask me how I was doing and I started crying.  She hugged me and said comforting things until I got my emotions under control again.  But then my old bishop came up and asked how I was doing and the tears started again.  After that, I just walked home.  I couldn't face two more hours of crying every time someone asked how I was doing.  I blame the pregnancy hormones.

Bryant and I have Skyped every night and he has an internet texting app on his Surface, so he can text my phone whenever he has internet.  That has helped a bit, but I still get choked up every time I think about him.  And especially when I think about him leaving.  That "losing my best friend" bit makes me cry every single time I think about it (I may have teared up again while writing this post, FYI).  But I don't regret our decision to have me stay here.  It's what is best for our little girl.

Oh, speaking of which, we're having a girl!  Her name is Lydia.

Bryant and I went in for my doctor's appointment back in the second week of June and the doctor got one shot of what looked like a boy.  However, after that one shot, baby kept its legs firmly crossed and even put both of its hands down there, too.  Our doctor tried for 10 minutes to get another picture and got nowhere.  She finally gave up, scheduled us for another ultrasound the next week with her ultrasound technician and told us not to count on it being a boy.  Well, the next week came and there was a definite lack of any boy parts.  Our little girl was much less modest the second time around!  She also moved around so much that the tech was having a hard time getting the measurements she needed.  She couldn't freeze the frame fast enough, so she started recording a few seconds of video, then rewinding it to get a clear image.  This does not bode well for me, I think!

Also, after weeks of being unsure if I felt her moving or not, I can now most definitely feel her.  So can anyone else because she kicks so hard.  Last Thursday morning I finally felt what I was positive were kicks, and which I swear I never felt before that moment.  Bryant put his hand on my stomach and he could feel them, too.  That was the day before he left and she has been very active ever since.  My little sister felt it and described it as baby tap dancing.  When this girl moves, she moves.  Nothing ambiguous about it.

I'm almost entirely over the nausea now (23 weeks later), but yesterday I had to cave and take an anti-nausea pill.  Overall, though, I feel a million times better than I did before.  Also, I'm loving the lack of humidity.  I often comment on the "cool" weather, only to be informed that it is 80-90 degrees outside.  It feels great to me!

I have many other updates that I didn't have the time to post on here while they were happening--spending time with Bryant and family while he was here was top priority--so I'll be posting those soon.  Also, due to popular demand, baby bump pictures.  Stay tuned!

The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

Unfortunately, this post is not about Grenada.  Sorry everyone!  It's just something I've had on my mind lately.

A few people have asked me if dealing with all the infertility stuff was the hardest thing I've ever done.  I feel bad saying that it wasn't because for most women it is obviously the hardest, most heart-rending, terrible thing that will ever happen to them.  But for me...it just wasn't.  It was hard, but it does not even come close to the hardest thing I've ever been through.

The hardest thing I've ever done was letting Bryant go for two years to serve his mission.  Infertility was a breeze compared to that because at least during all that he was there for me and with me.  I feel kind of silly admitting it because it seems very teenage-angsty (Twilight anyone?) to say that he is and was so important to me.  But it's true.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I will have to let Bryant go again in June and whenever I think about it I start to tear up.  I don't know how I'm going to do it.  The last time he left me I thought about him every single day for two whole years, wrote him at least 104 letters, dreamed about the day when I would get to see him again, spent a lot of time crying, and never did it get easier or less painful.  Now I have to let him get on a plane and leave not just me but our unborn baby, as well.  Please excuse me while I cry for a moment (no really, I'm crying over here and I blame the hormones).

Ok, I can do this.  Bryant and I have talked about this many times and we both know that me staying in the US is the right choice for us.  It wouldn't be the right choice for everyone, but it is for us.  But right and easy aren't the same thing.  He's going to miss so much, including the birth of the child we have been waiting and praying for.  I would go on, but I'm just wallowing now.

Letting Bryant leave again will be the hardest thing I've ever done.  Again.  And the closer it gets the more I am dreading it.  I am usually more private about these kinds of things, but I want you all to know that I, Megan, am hopelessly in love with--and obviously dangerously dependent on--Bryant, the best man I've ever known.  And now everyone on the internet knows how ridiculously melodramatic I am.  With that, I will end this post and hope my next one will be happier.  Love you all!